I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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