Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
