I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
