Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
