She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
