I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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