remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
