I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
