I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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