it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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