what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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