I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
