i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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