I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
