She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
