You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
