Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
