i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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