Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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