I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
