2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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