i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
