Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
