no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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