my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this will be a night to untag.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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