You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
they need to just BURY HIM!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
