It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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