Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.