tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.