Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I believe in your delicious
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?