I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
