i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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