Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
