Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
