suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
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