my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
