Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
