I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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