first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
