i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize