wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
