How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The best revenge is premature balding
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
