i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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