do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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