So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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