dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
