We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
