I think my fart just growled at me.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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