He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
