I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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