I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
