she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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