Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize