Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she smelled like a LAN party
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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