I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
