Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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