if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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