I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
