i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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