im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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