you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
