The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
