just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
