okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
