did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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