i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
