You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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