i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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