I heard we made out
She's JV to your varsity
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
