What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize