Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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