we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...