I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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