i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.