a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well