alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person