A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
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remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.