After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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