were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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