It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
