i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
