no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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