Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
